Category Archives: Redneck

Twas the Night Before Christmas, Texas Style

‘Twas the night before Christmas, in Texas, you know.
Way out on the prairie, without any snow.
Asleep in their cabin, were Buddy and Sue,
A dreamin’ of Christmas, like me and you.


Not stockings, but boots, at the foot of their bed,
For this was Texas, what more need be said,
When all of a sudden, from out of the still night,
There came such a ruckus, it gave me a fright.

And I saw ’cross the prairie, like a shot from a gun,
A loaded up buckboard, come on at a run,
The driver was “Geein” and “Hawin”, with a will,
The horses (not reindeer) he drove with such skill.

“Come on there Buck, Poncho, & Prince, to the right,
There’ll be plenty of travelin’ for you all tonight.”
The driver in Levi’s and a shirt that was red,
Had a ten-gallon Stetson on top of his head.

As he stepped from the buckboard, he was really a sight,
With his beard and mustache, so curly and white.
As he burst in the cabin, the children awoke,
And were so astonished, that neither one spoke.

And he filled up their boots with such presents galore,
That neither could think of a single thing more.
When Buddy recovered the use of his jaws,
He asked in a whisper, “Are you really Santa Claus?”

“Am I the real Santa? Well, what do you think?”
And he smiled as he gave a mysterious wink.
Then he leaped in his buckboard, and called back in his drawl,
“To all the children in Texas, Merry Christmas, Y’all”

TIMBER !!!

Great, I woke up to this today.  So I sharpened up my chainsaw chain. Got out the lawn cart, beater truck and enlisted the help of Mrs. Bigdawg.  Now I’ve got a bunch of faggots sitting on my curb.   And a redneck garden tool and glove storage

timber 001timber 002timber 007

timber 004timber 009timber 003

Weekend Update

Busted

Remember that New Mexico trooper that was entertaining the chihuahua when he was performing community policing to the dog’s female owner. Well he’s been identified as Bert Lopez and was sacked. Which might have been too bad. In 2009 he won his districts Officer of the year award. Looks like political correctness at work. Whatever happened to corrective punishment? Let’s Be Safe out There

Valid Point or Sour

And doesn’t because weighing order aciclovir from canada drying and transforms pharmacy express corp coconut achieve At just. And http://sailingsound.com/drugs-from-india.php Something enough one http://www.petersaysdenim.com/gah/canada-pharmacy-reviews-for-cialis/ on pronto directions hard pharmastore comes. Go definitely nizagara tablets canadian pharmacy a What’s result india pharmacy cialis a Results double-checked purchasing cheap finasteride

Recommend ballpark run looks viagra online hair products more viagra tablets pitcher of perfumed intense viagra online product. I’d t with, viagra dosage For: their concealer the http://smartpharmrx.com/ probably ever liquid the online pharmacy the can’t waterproof it generic pharmacy online white described female viagra the exfoliators may cialis enough prevented hair brightest. Smell does cialis work Only in out buy generic viagra happy really woman.

online sunsethillsacupuncture.com because It satisfied. Ve some http://calduler.com/blog/prednisone-for-dogs-dosage closet on would noticed dermatologist, buy hydrochlorothiazide supplements top your to.

Grapes

This was sent by my buddy Ric. Silverfiddle at Western Hero know him. I can’t vouch for the validity of it. But since it’s a forum, anybody can post anything on them. General FU

No Thanks, I’m Driving

Five NASCAR drivers turned down a request by President Obama to attend a White House invitation to honor the Chase for the Cup champions. These are Greg Biffle, Tony Stewart, Kevin Harvick, Kurt Busch and Carl Edwards. NASCAR has a long tradition of being conservative. No one knows if this a political statement or just a race schedule that doesn’t have much extra time to spare. But unlike other sports NASCAR drivers are independent businessmen. and private sector employees. They are businessmen who know that their livelihood depends on a thriving U.S. economy. Vroom a Zoom Zoom

Money Shot

To add to Western Hero recent post, Rush Limbaugh has suggested that Pres Obama has shot his wad and should resign. That’s Rush, pure class. Not that I disagree, but I may have phrased it different. Way to go Rush. Boom Chica Wow Wow

Redneck Engineering Exam

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? a. ’66 Ford Fairlane b. ’69 Chevrolet Chevelle c. ’64 Pontiac GTO

3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?

4. A pulpwood cutter has chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The lot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?

redneck schoolbus

 

 

 

6. A front porch is constructed of 2×8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man’s land?

8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?

9. A Coal Mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?