Category Archives: Humor

Christmas at the Movies 2018

This is the third installment of Christmas Movies. Search the post for the other two. Starting off is one I recently saw on FXM.

Krampus

This story revolves around a boy names Max. He belongs to a modern suburban family , a mother and father that are consumed with the hectic problems of everyday life. A teenage older sister. And a kindly grandmother that mostly speaks German. Add to that the redneck hillbilly relative that are dropping in for the holidays. This group’s patriarch is played by David Koechner if that tells you anything.

Max gets disillusioned about the whole Christmas thing and disavows Santa Clause. This causes a demonic evil Santa called Krampus rise and start detroying the neighborhood in a whiteout blizzard. After much death and destruction, only Max believing in Santa again can save them.

All in all a nice dark comedy / horror movie. I had passed it up before but found it entertaining.

Prep and Landing

While not technically a movie, it a television show. The Dawg’s brother Rob told him about this one. There are two 30 minute specials Prep and Landing and Prep and Landing: Naughty vs Nice. These were co-developed by Disney and ABC. You can find these on one of their affiliate channels. I know Freeform channel is airing them this year. These revolve around the behind the scene elves that make Christmas possible. Wayne, a Christmas elf, is part of an elite organization known as “Prep & Landing”, whose job is to ready millions of homes around the world for Santa Clause’s visit. Nice story combined with good animation, something that Christmas cartoons aren’t known for.

Four Christmases

About a couple, Brad and Kate played by Vince Vaughan and Reese Witherspoon, was filmed at the airport after their flight to Fiji was cancelled due to fog. A local TV news crew filmed them at the check in line. After all of their divorced parents see them on TV they are forced to go pay them visits individually. Naturally each visit is a different type of train wreck. Starring Robert Duvall and Mary Steenburgen as Brad’s parents. Jon Voight abd Sissy Spacek as Kate’s parents. Vince Vaughan plays the lovable straight man that seems to get constantly psychically abused.and Reese Witherspoon as always her generations go to comedic actress .

This movie is loaded with an all star cast and I highly recommend it. Go check out the cast list at IMDB.

The Santa Clause

And there’s The Santa Clause staring Tim Allen as Scott. A toy salesman. When Santa lands on his roof he wakes Scott’s son Charlie. Scott rushes outside startles Santa and falls off the roof unconscious. Scott finds a card on Santa that reads put the suit on the reindeer will know what to do. After Tim Allen puts on the suit Santa disappears. Son Charlie persuades Scott to deliver the rest of the toys. They climb up the roof into the sleigh and the reindeer fly off to the appointed houses. Afterward the head elf tell him that because he put the suit on he is legally obligated to be Santa. He goes on to tell him that he has one year to get his affairs in order before reporting back to the North Pole next Thanksgiving. During the next year he starts to transform into Santa. I’ll stop right there.

Tim Allen goes on to star in two more Santa Clause movies. All in all a fun filled movie. Tim Allen delivers a good old fashion holiday spirited movie. The Santa Clause movies are becoming Christmas classics. As a bonus on Tim’s show Last Man Standing he makes a tongue in cheek reference when he says: “Who do you think I am, Santa?”

Weekend Update

Busted

Remember that New Mexico trooper that was entertaining the chihuahua when he was performing community policing to the dog’s female owner. Well he’s been identified as Bert Lopez and was sacked. Which might have been too bad. In 2009 he won his districts Officer of the year award. Looks like political correctness at work. Whatever happened to corrective punishment? Let’s Be Safe out There

Valid Point or Sour

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Grapes

This was sent by my buddy Ric. Silverfiddle at Western Hero know him. I can’t vouch for the validity of it. But since it’s a forum, anybody can post anything on them. General FU

No Thanks, I’m Driving

Five NASCAR drivers turned down a request by President Obama to attend a White House invitation to honor the Chase for the Cup champions. These are Greg Biffle, Tony Stewart, Kevin Harvick, Kurt Busch and Carl Edwards. NASCAR has a long tradition of being conservative. No one knows if this a political statement or just a race schedule that doesn’t have much extra time to spare. But unlike other sports NASCAR drivers are independent businessmen. and private sector employees. They are businessmen who know that their livelihood depends on a thriving U.S. economy. Vroom a Zoom Zoom

Money Shot

To add to Western Hero recent post, Rush Limbaugh has suggested that Pres Obama has shot his wad and should resign. That’s Rush, pure class. Not that I disagree, but I may have phrased it different. Way to go Rush. Boom Chica Wow Wow

Enhanced Interrogation Techniques

There’s no way

I can let this slide. Two days ago the Santa Fe police department released building surveillance footage of a New Mexico state trooper vigorously interviewing a female suspect on the hood of a car. He is in full service uniform. Although I can imagine the battle rattle ‘his service belt. A Chihuahua is seen witnessing the act.

Trend or Stupid

I don’t think this is indicative of any trend or a sign of society gone astray. It’s simply a case of a stupid decision. Nothing new, people have been making dumb choices forever. This matter is under Internal Affairs investigation. While it may not violate any laws, it does show the department in a bad light and may violate morality rules. Police have to always worry about the appearance of public perception. Hey, I don’t begrudge him getting a little on the side. Just take off the uniform. Most modern departments have core value and standards of conduct rules. It’s just too bad for this guy that this went national. Just slap a reprimand, a week off without pay, and let him learn from his mistakes.

Redneck Engineering Exam

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? a. ’66 Ford Fairlane b. ’69 Chevrolet Chevelle c. ’64 Pontiac GTO

3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?

4. A pulpwood cutter has chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The lot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?

redneck schoolbus

 

 

 

6. A front porch is constructed of 2×8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man’s land?

8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?

9. A Coal Mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?